Opportunity for Creativity...even in Darkness?

I've talked about and have sung the praises of writer Patti Digh and a few of her books in past blog posts. My favorite of hers so far is Life is a Verb - it changed my way of living and looking at how we spend our days, our moments.  She's also written Creative is a Verb and I picked that up again two nights ago because I finished a novel and NEEDED to read something before bed.

I started rereading but I paid special attention to lines and phrases I had highlighted in the past.  This one really stuck out this time:  "Every single moment of your life is an opportunity for creativity. Even the darkest moments. Perhaps especially them." (p. 14).  Pretty profound as many people think only certain people are creative and I guess I typically think of making a physical piece (painting, book, floral arrangement, etc.) as expressing our creativity.  But these words make me think it's way more than that.  I've had some dark moments mainly due to health concerns and now I just got some test results that aren't so great. Friday I find out what the next step could be as I see the doctor to discuss the results.

Hmmmm...I'm wondering that along with my word of the year "faith" and this quote about dark moments being opportunities for creativity, can I handle this?  Can I handle possibly bad and scary news in a different way?  A different way than I'm used to - catastrophizing and thinking of every worst possible scenario and playing them over and over in my head.  I'm not sure how this can be an opportunity for me to use my creativity but I'm hopeful that I'll find a way.  I hope I can infuse this obstacle, this fear with faith and creativity.

I truly don't know what that will look like, but I plan to keep it in my mind in the upcoming days.  I'm wondering if anyone else actually sees creativity as a "tool" so-to-speak to help with potentially really dark and scary times in their lives.  If anyone has any ideas or examples I'd love to hear them.  I know reaching out is a start because connections between others truly helps when healing is involved.

Dreaming and Trying to Keep my Shine

I have a lot of dreams, some of them have come true...some of them I'm still working toward.  But, wow, not having them happen right when I want them to can be pretty hard sometimes.  Makes me wonder if they ever will come true or even if they're meant to, you know?  Sometimes I even wonder if these dreams of mine are realistic.  But, are dreams meant to be realistic anyway?  Probably not.  Whoever thought of walking on the moon was probably considered a nutcase at first.  Whoever thought we could send messages by typing on a computer wasn't probably too realistic many years ago either, right?

© Jill's Dream Artwork

But I've really been wondering:  if they were meant to be they would happen and they wouldn't be so hard, right? Well, maybe not. Probably not. Maybe if they aren't happening, I should throw in the towel--maybe it's a sign these dreams of mine aren't meant to be. I've heard that saying many times about anything worth achieving is probably hard work and worth that hard work.  Well right now, things have been a little hard for me.  I don't really want to go into specific details, but I'm having some struggles.

It does help to have support of those closest to you as well.  A personal cheering squad so-to-speak.  I have a girlfriends that are here for me...I do wish some of them lived closer though!  Unfortunately, some of the people "closest" to me just aren't part of that cheering squad, and I think that's what's making things feel so much harder to handle right now.  But I really am thankful for the ones that are here right now.  Don't know what I'd do without them!

©Jill's Dream Artwork

I also get tons of inspiration from a few great authors such as Patti Digh and recently Danielle LaPorte who said in her book The Firestarter Sessions:  "Intend to shine...You can be a magnet for goodness even in hard times, if you simply choose to accentuate the positive and focus on where you want to go" (p. 102).  This quote is something pushing me forward right now.  Hopefully you can find a little inspiration from it as well.

Project 137 with Patti Digh

Before I took the leap from teaching middle school full-time to pursuing my art whole-heartedly and working part-time I discovered Patti Digh and her book Life is a Verb.  This was almost three years ago and at the time I decided this was my new favorite book.  I pretty much tell any 

reader I know about it.

It's hard to have just one of course, but this one really affected me.  I honestly can say it changed my life, or at least my outlook and how I now TRY to live my life.  This book (she's written others since then that I have) is full of essays written from her heart and her life's experience.  It's hard to "sum" them up here, but I found them inspiring, heart-warming, gratitude-infusing, eye-opening, humorous, at times sad, but truly life-changing.  She also fills her books with readers' artwork.  Love that so much.  I've talked about Patti Digh before in my blog, and now she's at it again.  She has launched something called Project 137 and I knew I had to be a part of it.  She is calling all of us, including herself to "love well, live fully, and let go deeply" and to "make a difference in these precious 137 days."  I'm there.  She has inspired me and so many people so far, now I get to put some of this into action through her daily prompts.

One thing that really stuck with me today and inspired me to have a great day no matter what was her saying that "living fully is embracing the laundry and the carpool as deeply beautiful."  Wow.  Profound.  She is teaching us to accept what is and to even embrace it, to celebrate it and I thank her for that.  I've always been the type of person to want to change "what is" and if I couldn't I'd wish it away until I couldn't see straight--which never works, does it?

I'm wondering if you try to "live fully" what that means to you?  Today for me, on my drive home from meeting my husband at his work for lunch with our daughter, I saw these amazing windmills (wind-power generators), and I pulled over to the side of the country road and just stood to look at them.  They were huge, powerful, yet so simple and beautiful slowly spinning in the warm summer sky.  I had to stop and just drink them in.  See, on the way there I kept tell my daughter how amazing they were and that I wanted to pull over, like I do many times when I see something breathtaking, so finally after lunch on the way home, I realized I had to-I have to stop "driving by" things that interest me, literally and figuratively speaking.

So Inspired

These past two years or so I've been amazed at the inspiration I've been blessed with from my new world of discovering other artists and bloggers who have published books or websites.  It constantly blows my mind the amount of beauty and positivity I have been lucky enough to have found at a low time in my life.  Let me give a little bit of background.

About two and a half years ago, I was out of work on disability trying to heal and get better so I could start chemotherapy for my kidneys (had lupus nephritis).  I couldn't start the chemo because I had consistent bronchitis and working in a middle school with germs wasn't helping, so my doctor thought it would be best to take some time off.  Well, at first I bawled.  Oh my God--this was serious.  If this chemo didn't work, I'd need dialysis.  If that didn't work, I'd need a kidney transplant.  Not to mention, I might lose my hair and who knows what else (I know in the grand scheme of things the hair loss is nothing).  I also was freaked out that people at work, my husband and my in-laws wouldn't understand why I couldn't work during this time.  I only was having chemo once a month.  Daily I had to tell myself I was doing what was best and was needed for me.

After I got over the initial freak-out, I actually felt so free.  So happy.  Which was so weird, because I was so sick.  That started to tell me something.  Maybe teaching wasn't where I was meant to be.  Maybe teaching added to my illness.  Well during that time, I found the book Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts.  You could say this is what started it all.  Yes, I've always wanted to paint, but this gave me the push I needed to jump in.  I read about her whispers and listening to them.  I knew I had whispers too.  Long silenced whispers.  But having all this time off gave me lots of time to start really hearing these whispers.  I found myself painting at 3 in the morning because my medicine gave me a hard time sleeping, but I was so excited, even though I would normally be so mad that I wasn't sleeping when I should have been.  It didn't matter because I knew I could take a nap later and I was also full of joy and hope.  As I spent months away from teaching I read more from other inspirational souls like Christine Mason Miller and Patti Digh to name a few.  Knowing my health was serious, I also started realizing that I needed to take my happiness into my own hands as well.  I started taking little steps by opening an etsy shop after e-mailing Kelly Rae Roberts and her suggesting as much.  I started applying to art shows.  I got accepted to some.  People told me that my work was joyful and happy.  I told them it made me feel joyful and happy creating it.  That was just the start.  Brave Girls came into my life as well.  In addition to creating, I started realizing that I was important and that my dreams mattered, no matter what.

I could probably write much more about my journey to where I am now, but I just wanted to share a few bits and pieces.  I want to just say thank you to those amazing women who gave me the courage to jump into a new chapter of my life.  Though I still have lupus, my kidneys are in remission.  Though my salary is much less as a library aide than a teacher, I'm so damn happy.  Thank you to all of you.  All of you who are inspiring and encouraging me everyday.  Not just the well-known artists and authors, but all of the women I've met on-line who are helping me fly as well as my friends Carrie and Jenny.  I'm so blessed.  Thank you thank you thank you.

What Do You Love to Do?

One of my favorite writers, Patti Digh, recently published the book What I Wish for You and its advice has such a powerful impact on me.  It's a collection of short pieces from other women giving advice to Patti's daughter who's going off to college, but it's advice all of us women can learn from.  I must say I wish I had this great wisdom given to me as a teenager, but it's just as relevant now as a 39-year-old still trying to find my way.

One of the contributors, Lisa Evans, discusses the dreaded question of people asking, "What do you do?"  She states that instead of that question, we should ask people, "What do you LOVE to do?"  I like this one much better.  This question can fill us up with joy just thinking of the things we love to do.

I love to...

* take early morning walks all by myself when the sun is just creeping up and no noise is around except the birds singing and the crickets chirping

* go out to dinner with my best girlfriends in the whole world and laugh too loud and probably annoy everyone around us

* close my eyes while we're on our boat and just feel the breeze

* arrange flowers from my garden into vases around the house

* watch hilarious movies like Dumb and Dumber and Something about Mary over and over

* read a super good book in my sunroom with all the windows open



Taken on my morning walk today--the sun peeking through the trees.

Those are just a few of the things I love to do.  What about you?  What do you really love to do?  I'd love to hear about it!

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Encouragement

I'm feeling a bit discouraged with my art/painting lately.  I don't want to go into much detail because it's probably just one of those poor me moods that I know will change if I help it.  I think I want something so badly I sometimes lose sight of the reason I do it.  Patti Digh gives a good reminder to "Stop trying so hard...Just do to do."  I love painting and sometimes I forget that I need to paint just to paint, not worry if someone will buy them.  The reward is just creating.  She also says to "Detach from outcome."  Hmmm...this completely relates to my last thought.  The outcome can't always be others approval, hence others purchasing my work.  My focus sometimes goes a bit off track and then I feel like giving up when I know I shouldn't and I won't.  I guess I'm just having a pity party inside my head right now. 

I'm going to get some fresh canvases today and paint just to paint.  I'm also going to look back at her book, Creative is a Verb and look at the highlighted words that really spoke to me.  Hopefully it will help me remember why I love to create. 

The Little Things

I found this quote in Patti Digh's book Creative is a Verb and it really is a great reminder to enjoy what we have and not expect all moments to be momentous ones.  "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize that they were the big things," by Robert Brault.  An eye opener for sure especially something we should pass on to our children, you know when they're bored or only are happy when huge things are happening.  Some of the little things that I am so thankful for and KNOW that they are the big things in my life:  reading a picture book with my nine-year-old daughter, singing screaming really loudly to Lady Gaga in the car with my husband and daughter, baking moon dust cookies together even though I pretty much hate baking, touching her soft cheeks as she sleeps at night. 

I wonder if more people saw the "little" things this way, would they be happier, more content with their everyday lives, more in the moment?  I'm not an expert but I think so.