Trying New Things

These past two years have been full, I mean full of changes for me.  I went through 18 months of chemotherapy for my lupus nephritis (kidneys), quit my full-time job as a teacher, started working only 20 hours a week, painting regularly, starting an etsy shop and doing occasional art shows on the weekends.

 So many of these decisions came from my heart speaking to me, but so many inspirational quotes have also pushed me as well, such as this one from Max Dupree. 

"We cannot become what we NEED to be, remaining what we are."

Part of my journey of change is reminding myself that if I want a certain life, I have to do different things.  I've been painting for a few years, but now I'm starting to draw as well which I'm finding so fun because I'm letting it flow out of me more easily than when I paint.  I drew (then painted) this girl today and I'm pleased with it.  Typically I shy away from drawing people at all--faces are hard for me, hair is hard for me and hands are almost impossible.  But today I felt looser and free as I drew her.  I actually love her face and her hair (hands are hiding behind the dress).  For me, she's great, compared to any other peope I've drawn.  It's actually giving me a boost of confidence to try even more people. 

Encouragement

I'm feeling a bit discouraged with my art/painting lately.  I don't want to go into much detail because it's probably just one of those poor me moods that I know will change if I help it.  I think I want something so badly I sometimes lose sight of the reason I do it.  Patti Digh gives a good reminder to "Stop trying so hard...Just do to do."  I love painting and sometimes I forget that I need to paint just to paint, not worry if someone will buy them.  The reward is just creating.  She also says to "Detach from outcome."  Hmmm...this completely relates to my last thought.  The outcome can't always be others approval, hence others purchasing my work.  My focus sometimes goes a bit off track and then I feel like giving up when I know I shouldn't and I won't.  I guess I'm just having a pity party inside my head right now. 

I'm going to get some fresh canvases today and paint just to paint.  I'm also going to look back at her book, Creative is a Verb and look at the highlighted words that really spoke to me.  Hopefully it will help me remember why I love to create.